(no subject)

I should be cheerfuller soon. It won't be my late father's birthday, for one (I miss him so much) and I won't have PMT and the pain levels will diminish and people will stop trying to compare Christmas presents with me (I got two handmade cookbooks, some chocolate, some coffee, some antipasto, some tea, a tube of handcream, some herbes de provence and a CD - that combines Chanukah with Christmas and now that I've said I hope people will stop asking and telling me) and there will be public transport and life will generally be better.

It was better last night because Sharyn rang and I also spoke to my mother. I had a really good evening. I was looking forward to today almost with equilibrium, but today is turning out to be a high pain day and a high sorrow day and a high PMT day and I still have to run all those messages. So, not good. But it will get better. Tomorrow is going to be lovely, and so is the day after. And in the interim, I will keep taking taken pain relievers. If the messages get too much for me, I can taxi.

PS My life is not bad. This time of year is. And especially today. Normally I make sure I spent Boxing Day with friends so I'm not alone, but everyone was busy. It's the day of the year when I most miss my father. Loneliness cubed. I very seldom feel lonely, despite spending large chunks of my life on my own, but every year on 26th December, there is a good chance I won't be happy. Loneliness isn't about being with people; it's about not being with people you need.

(no subject)

I just rang my mother and now we're both over the worst of the day. Toby - Mum's not-quite-cat* - has dropped the courteous act and is demanding what he wants, when he wants.

"Why did you start feeding him?" I asked. "He belongs down the road."

"I know," sighed my mother. "It was a great mistake."

The rest of tonight's conversation was peppered with the sounds of her trying to save the broom. Toby has only just discovered that brooms are interesting and apparently the broom objected to being chased.

I have also just lit my Chanukah candles. Tonight they're all blue. No symbolism - blue is pretty.

I'm going to watch an Andy Hardy movie, do some work then spend the rest of the evening watching early Hitchcock. Why didn't anyone tell me he did a version of 'Juno and the Paycock'? I love 'Juno and the Paycock' and it's a zillion years since I've seen any version of it. I found it for $2 in the Christmas sales, along with a bunch of other early Hitchcock.

I do have my set top box, but it doesn't know how to find TV stations. It has developed a personality already, which is a little troubling. A friend is coming round in a couple of days to give it what for. That should sort it. And it was easy to carry home, being a tiny little thing.


*Toby owns a family with young children, but has no affinity for babies, toddlers or anyone too small or too noisy. He does, however, have an affinity for Mum, myself, one of my sisters, my brother-in-law and one of my nieces. He also pays visits to other houses. I think he owns about 5 families, all up, but Mum is his favourite person and he spends most of his days and chunks of his nights trying to rearrange hers.

None of this is the reason he's a not-quite-cat. He's a not-quite-cat because fifty percent of the time he acts like a perfect gentleman and the other fifty percent he acts like a perfect two year old child. I'm not allergic to him, which is a joy (I love cats and they love me, but oh, can they cause interesting things to happen to my body.) but not relevant today, since I am in Canberra and he is in Melbourne, chasing brooms.