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A bit of seasonal cheer, from Tom Lehrer:

And for those who don't celebrate, something very curious to read (make sure you click on all those 'Show post anyway' links).

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jasonfischer posted about author bios today. I've decided to craft a new one. I do this every now and again and editors never like them so they never get published. Editors are wise. I, however, am not, so here is my new bio, for your delectation. It has the merit of being true. I stopped when it started to get too long. If you want more, just say.

Gillian Polack was born a few miles away from the Harold Holt Memorial Swimming Pool*. She was supposed to be a boy, and her parents weren't prepared for yet another girl (actually, they weren't sure they wanted a large family at all, but things happen). They needed a name, pronto, and had used up all their favourite names already. Her middle name was simple: a relative had just died and the name could be handed on. The first name was impossible. The only publication with names that was handy was the graduation list for the Faculty of Medicine for Melbourne University for 1961. Somewhere, a Melbourne doctor called 'Gillian' has a namesake. One hopes that the old superstition (the one that led to her great-grandmother's name being handed on to Gillian after her death) of the soul transferring with the name did not happen, because if it did, then Melbourne gained its first zombie doctor in 1961.

Gillian grew up very quickly, then stopped growing to let everyone else catch up. Alas, others weren't as courteous and she went from one of the tallest in the class in Form One to being one of the shortest two years later. She remained the sprint champion for the year throughout, however. Possibly the fattest sprinter on record, but still won the pretty blue ribbons. Since she turned fifteen, she has only used her powers for good – mainly to catch busses.

Her first publication was at age 14. She wrote a letter to the local Council, using her best green biro. The local newspaper was really short on news that week and printed it. It was about roundabouts. The green ink didn't show up well, but that picture – of her holding the letter – was also her first press photograph.

Her only other claim to fame as a youngster was when she appeared on Romper Room. She mostly remembers being wheeled around the studio in an oversized cart that was painted her favourite (gaudy) colours. She also remembers her sisters being very upset that she was on Romper Room. Why she was on Romper Room is still a mystery, especially as her sisters are the photogenic ones.



*for non-Australians, Harold Holt was a prime minister who died by drowning. The name wasn't attached to the swimming pool till after his death, of course, but it's a good Melbourne landmark and much more precise than, say, the name of a hospital.