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May. 4th, 2010 10:30 pmIf we all renamed ourselves to fit our current situation, mine would be 'Brainfuzz.'
I thought the oddness of my brain was normal, but it turns out that we have Weather. This means I shall leave the Big Sticking Point in my research proposal (thank goodness for supervisors - I really did make an idiot mistake and I think I shall refrain from explaining it in a public forum) until tomorrow, after teaching. The trouble is that I produce my thought through doing the work these days, and trying to sort it in advance is a lot more difficult than it was twenty years ago. I know people who run a fine line in research proposal invention to get round this, but I can't do that - everything has to work. And it isn't yet. And I can't sort the holes through doing the research (because I have to do the research proposal): I have to fix them in advance. Thank goodness my supervisor spots the holes, is all I can say.
Honestly, none of this should be so tough. I'm out of practice. Much rustier than I had thought. Also, the paperwork mavens are powerful beings. I know all the reasons for their power and mostly I appreciate them, but it does mean I'm working against my strengths right now. I'm also working cross-discipline and none of the verbal shortcuts work. I need to slow down and think the whole dissertation through from a different angle. Also, I'm having trouble explaining in just a paragraph what the limits of historical resarch are as they relate to the fiction writer. I tried cheating and shoving in generic exlanations, which created me my hole.
Instead of words of any form or meaning from me (because quite obviously they're just not going to appear, tonight) I shall migrate to a book that needs finishing. One more book after that and I can complete a whole article. Then I can get three (maybe four!) whole articles ready to send and they'll be lined up in a row, ready for publication. A book today and a book tomorrow or Thursday; my research proposal tomorrow and Thursday; the rest of the articles Thursday and Friday; finalise my Coyote Con talk on Friday. Sounds almost possible, even with brainfuzz.
And my tax is done.
This is worthy of celebration, so while I ponder the complexities of historian/writer interfaces tomorrow, you can have a guest post. Watch this space!
Maybe less week will be a bit less intimidating than this week. If it isn't, there's always chocolate.
I thought the oddness of my brain was normal, but it turns out that we have Weather. This means I shall leave the Big Sticking Point in my research proposal (thank goodness for supervisors - I really did make an idiot mistake and I think I shall refrain from explaining it in a public forum) until tomorrow, after teaching. The trouble is that I produce my thought through doing the work these days, and trying to sort it in advance is a lot more difficult than it was twenty years ago. I know people who run a fine line in research proposal invention to get round this, but I can't do that - everything has to work. And it isn't yet. And I can't sort the holes through doing the research (because I have to do the research proposal): I have to fix them in advance. Thank goodness my supervisor spots the holes, is all I can say.
Honestly, none of this should be so tough. I'm out of practice. Much rustier than I had thought. Also, the paperwork mavens are powerful beings. I know all the reasons for their power and mostly I appreciate them, but it does mean I'm working against my strengths right now. I'm also working cross-discipline and none of the verbal shortcuts work. I need to slow down and think the whole dissertation through from a different angle. Also, I'm having trouble explaining in just a paragraph what the limits of historical resarch are as they relate to the fiction writer. I tried cheating and shoving in generic exlanations, which created me my hole.
Instead of words of any form or meaning from me (because quite obviously they're just not going to appear, tonight) I shall migrate to a book that needs finishing. One more book after that and I can complete a whole article. Then I can get three (maybe four!) whole articles ready to send and they'll be lined up in a row, ready for publication. A book today and a book tomorrow or Thursday; my research proposal tomorrow and Thursday; the rest of the articles Thursday and Friday; finalise my Coyote Con talk on Friday. Sounds almost possible, even with brainfuzz.
And my tax is done.
This is worthy of celebration, so while I ponder the complexities of historian/writer interfaces tomorrow, you can have a guest post. Watch this space!
Maybe less week will be a bit less intimidating than this week. If it isn't, there's always chocolate.