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It appears I only have ten hours of work in me a day. I didn't progress much on anything after my meeting last night. The meeting was particularly good, though, especially the bit where we talked about cats.
My supervisor has sent back my conclusion with comments, and my next trick will be to produce a complete dissertation with so little wrong with it that we run out of details to quibble, very soon. Also, so that it can go to proofreaders. At the same time, I need to work on the Beast and teach, so I may only get one BiblioBuffet article done in the next week (which reminds me, there's a new one up on site right now).
These blog updates make the biggest difference to my capacity to meet deadlines right now, but they're probably quite dull. There will be an end to them and a return to normal programming just as soon as the impossible schedule stops colliding with the depression and the perimenopause so very excitingly. I have to get things done regardless of how much I want to stare at walls and feel that life is meaningless*.
What's really interesting is that blogging helps and getting things done also makes a difference. It doesn't cure problems or make them go away, but it means that I feel just that much more in control. So expect posts as I need them for the next few months and do not feel at all distressed if you tell yourself "Another post from Gillian" and not read it.
My big accomplishment this year is that I can work properly again. All those strange brain changes that come with being female and of a certain age and not entirely physically well needed adjusting to, but I have done so with general success (I will always have to proofread more carefully than I used to, alas, and allow a bit of time for extra checking, but some people had to do this from the beginning, so it's not a great issue). I know I'm generally successful at it because I'm studying on top of working on top of handling illness and it's not proving nearly as impossible a set of tasks as I had feared.
It's wonderful to be back. It's even more wonderful to know that - although menopause changes the way my brain works - it doesn't mean I can't work quickly and well. My ability to do some tasks (big idea stuff) has improved, in fact, just as my ability to do others (remembering every single word of every single version in a 37 version document) has gone to hell in a handbasket.
*It's very strange, when one comes down to it, to be doing this big reformulation of existence when one is dealing with so many things, but life doesn't often give us sensible choices. All we can do is turn the choices we do have into viable ones. And so I write a journal to keep on track and to push myself through when the depression tries to take over. And so![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
la_marquise_de_ keeps me honest with my deadlines. And so eneit and kitzen_kat ring to check up on me (yes, I know what you're doing and I love you both for it) and so, one hour at a time, I change my life, for one hour at a time is the best approach for me. Also, when word gets back to me about the other (invented) Gillian getting up to strange evil deeds - which has happened recently, and which is very school playground - I'm more able to laugh it off and say "At least anyone worth their salt will find out who I am as a person and make their own judgement." Mind you, I recently heard that one wonderful person said "I don't want to hear this" and shut the gossip down in their vicinity. All this adds up to life being less intolerable. This was a very long footnote. Sorry. I think it's hinting I should get off the internet and on to some work.
My supervisor has sent back my conclusion with comments, and my next trick will be to produce a complete dissertation with so little wrong with it that we run out of details to quibble, very soon. Also, so that it can go to proofreaders. At the same time, I need to work on the Beast and teach, so I may only get one BiblioBuffet article done in the next week (which reminds me, there's a new one up on site right now).
These blog updates make the biggest difference to my capacity to meet deadlines right now, but they're probably quite dull. There will be an end to them and a return to normal programming just as soon as the impossible schedule stops colliding with the depression and the perimenopause so very excitingly. I have to get things done regardless of how much I want to stare at walls and feel that life is meaningless*.
What's really interesting is that blogging helps and getting things done also makes a difference. It doesn't cure problems or make them go away, but it means that I feel just that much more in control. So expect posts as I need them for the next few months and do not feel at all distressed if you tell yourself "Another post from Gillian" and not read it.
My big accomplishment this year is that I can work properly again. All those strange brain changes that come with being female and of a certain age and not entirely physically well needed adjusting to, but I have done so with general success (I will always have to proofread more carefully than I used to, alas, and allow a bit of time for extra checking, but some people had to do this from the beginning, so it's not a great issue). I know I'm generally successful at it because I'm studying on top of working on top of handling illness and it's not proving nearly as impossible a set of tasks as I had feared.
It's wonderful to be back. It's even more wonderful to know that - although menopause changes the way my brain works - it doesn't mean I can't work quickly and well. My ability to do some tasks (big idea stuff) has improved, in fact, just as my ability to do others (remembering every single word of every single version in a 37 version document) has gone to hell in a handbasket.
*It's very strange, when one comes down to it, to be doing this big reformulation of existence when one is dealing with so many things, but life doesn't often give us sensible choices. All we can do is turn the choices we do have into viable ones. And so I write a journal to keep on track and to push myself through when the depression tries to take over. And so
la_marquise_de_ keeps me honest with my deadlines. And so eneit and kitzen_kat ring to check up on me (yes, I know what you're doing and I love you both for it) and so, one hour at a time, I change my life, for one hour at a time is the best approach for me. Also, when word gets back to me about the other (invented) Gillian getting up to strange evil deeds - which has happened recently, and which is very school playground - I'm more able to laugh it off and say "At least anyone worth their salt will find out who I am as a person and make their own judgement." Mind you, I recently heard that one wonderful person said "I don't want to hear this" and shut the gossip down in their vicinity. All this adds up to life being less intolerable. This was a very long footnote. Sorry. I think it's hinting I should get off the internet and on to some work.