I am now free from looming anger for a bit, I hope. The bit of it I was being silent about, was my anger with my body. Now I've sat down and worked out what's wrong, I can deal: I have a quiet resurgence of the fibromylagia. I can reduce symptoms and make sure I rest enough and I've already apologised to friends for basic housework not done and for engagements broken. It means I can't dance for a bit, but I've decided to do the end of year party as my swan-song (and stay in bed the whole of the next two days if I must!).
The situation with fibro is like the Kings of Narnia, once one has it it is always with one, but for me, most of the symptoms have been in abeyance for a while and it was a rude shock when they returned. As I was explaining to someone the other day, I may have six chronic ailments, but they don't all manifest at once and I tend to forget the ones that are currently in hiding. I can work regardless, if I take due care. If one must have 6 different types of things fighting for body control, then I have the right six. The allergies (which I count as one) is the big, not the debilitating daily grind ailments. I'm also fortunate in that I appear to have good organisational skills, so even when I totally lose most of it, I can still get by.
Anyhow, this also explains why my timesense is all shot to pieces this week. I'm normally so careful about dates and deadlines.
I can and have worked through fibro. I'm very lucky and for me it's not such a big deal as long as I'm careful. I'm particularly lucky this time year, for the quiet time I was deploring just a few days ago means that it matters to absolutely no-one if I have to spend a day or three in bed. I'm doubly lucky, for my fibro symptoms respond quite quickly to treatment. The burning feeling in the veins is much diminished already (now that I've fixed my tablet regime to allow for it and found my magic cream) and my brain fog is a bit less. I'm very lucky to have the capacity to control it like this. This doesn't mean I can run marathons - I will still need fair amounts of bedrest, for instance - but it means that I don't have to work so very hard to maintain some quality of life. I can, for instance, get those parcels to the post office tomorrow and do my bits of other messages as long as I rest before and after and as long as I don't rush things.
I was really worried when I was too tired to stand up and make a cuppa, but now that the burning is less, I have enough energy to make a cuppa, and that changes everything. I consider myself exceptionally fortunate in that I have a treatment regime that isn't too hard and that helps significantly.
What I'm not looking forward to doing is explaining this to friends. Anything with chronic fatigue is too often met with "Have you tried this?" or "Why don't you do some exercise?" or "You drink too much coffee." It's an illness and it's under control. Like so many other people I know who have chronic illnesses, I'd rather only get suggestions from people who know it personally. It took me 3 years to find out the treatment that reduced my symptoms initially, and I was totally delighted to find that they still work now (and that I can get rid of one more symptom - yay for arthritis cream!) but I tried so many things and the doctor tried me on so many things and I'd rather not rehearse all this.
If any of my friends are worried - don't be. I'm not, after all. If you are desperate to do something, offer me shopping trips or theatre or something, and be gentle (sometimes I might have to just stop for a few minutes, for instance). More than anything, though, don't worry. I have a mild form of fibromyalgia and it takes much management, but I can still do quite a few things (with care). I wrote a novel last time I had a relapse (the cursed novel, in fact - oh dear, that poor novel is doomed), in between the brain fog.
So that's my news. Later, there will be latke recipes and stuff.
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