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The Christmas meme
Dec. 17th, 2005 08:51 pmI was supposed to be enjoying myself at a folkdance party tonight, but I had an asthma attack today, so the evil Gillian has taken over. What does the evil Gillian do? Read on (meme filched from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ph8 but you really can't blame her for my answers).
1. Do you have a real or fake Christmas tree?
Neither
2. Do you put up Christmas lights on the exterior of your home?
Should I? Why?
3. What's your favourite Christmas song/carol?
None. I lie. I like "We three Kings from Orient are, Tried to smoke a rubber cigar..."
4. What do you like better turkey or ham?
I am a ham, and refuse to become a cannibal, so I prefer turkey.
5. Do you open up any Christmas presents on Christmas Eve?
I open presents whenever I am given them and am allowed to open them. I like presents. (Was that a good hint?)
6. Have you ever been Christmas carolling?
No. I did ask once and got scurrilous looks. "You are Jewish," I was told. "You sing offkey" would have been more convincing and just as accurate.
7. What was your most memorable Christmas gift(s) that you received?
Last year, an eminient novelist sent me one of those reindeer that excrete jellybeans and told me it was called "Rude-Olf". The bold men of the Canberra Speculative Fiction Guild insisted on testing it until the jellybeans were all finished. They insisted this was in the nature of a scientific endeavour. I have already brought him out of hiding.
8. What's your favourite Christmas movie?
Any that don't get shown on Christmas Day. Christmas Day TV is dead boring.
9. Have you ever built a real snowman?
Yep. In Canada. So there.
10. Have you ever peeked into a present and found out what it was before Christmas?
No. I suspect if there were presents round I would be so tempted, but it has been a feat impossible to achieve to date.
11. What is on the top of your Christmas tree?
This is like the "Have you stopped beating your wife" question. Hard to answer without implying a tree.
12. Do you own a Santa hat?
Nup. No reindeer cap either. I am a sad, sad soul. All sob in synchrony.
13. When was the last time you had your picture taken with Santa Claus?
Never.
14. Have you started your Christmas shopping yet?
I bought some cheese today. Does that count?
15. Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree?
Another of those unanswerables.
16. Who is hardest person to buy for?
My mother. I suspect she might not entirely appreciate a Christmas present from me.
17. Who is the easiest person to buy for?
Me. Buying any sort of present for myself never meets the least bit of opposition.
18. How old were you when you realized Santa was imaginary?
I thought Santa was imaginary until I was about 19 when I discovered Ncholas of Bari. If you are all good children I will tell you the story of Nick and the pickled children on Christmas Day. I should have told it on 6 December, but I forgot.
19. What does your morning of Christmas routine consist of?
Routine? Um. Waking up and going to the letterbox for my mail then realising it is a public holiday. I think that is really the only thing I do every year. 25 December is such a surreal day.
20. Egg nog?
In midsummer? I had it in Canada. In the UK I had mulled wine.
21. What do you want for Christmas this year?
Fun and frolicking with friends and family.
PS I had a really good day before the asthma hit. So groan at the meme rather than condoling at the unbreathability of air in my vicinity.
PPS For the record, I love it when friends send me cards and give presents. I am very happy to share your festivals with you and have you share your festivals with me. Just as long as we are clear that Christmas is not something I would celebrate if my friends didn't and that I reserve the right to mock memes.
PPPS I don't suppose anyone non-Jewish wants to do an equivalent meme for Chanukah? I know Chanukah is minor in the scheme of festivals, but it would be fun to see the answers. In case, here are 8 questions (one for each day):
1. Do you make latkes?
2. Is your menorah kosher?
3. Do you know all the words to ma'ot tsur or do you cheat after the first two lines?
4. Do you know the dredel rules?
5. Have you ever overindulged in chocolate coins or doughnuts?
6. What is your favourite answer when people ask "Why don't you celebrate Christmas"?
7. If you are on holiday during Chanukah (eg camping) do you bother to take candles, or do you unpack and say "Damn, no menorah and no candles - sorry kids, maybe next year"?
8. Invent your own question - it is too hot for ideas at this end.
PPPPS If Australia were predominantly Jewish, what would TV consist of on 25 December? Serious answers discouraged.
ph8 but you really can't blame her for my answers).1. Do you have a real or fake Christmas tree?
Neither
2. Do you put up Christmas lights on the exterior of your home?
Should I? Why?
3. What's your favourite Christmas song/carol?
None. I lie. I like "We three Kings from Orient are, Tried to smoke a rubber cigar..."
4. What do you like better turkey or ham?
I am a ham, and refuse to become a cannibal, so I prefer turkey.
5. Do you open up any Christmas presents on Christmas Eve?
I open presents whenever I am given them and am allowed to open them. I like presents. (Was that a good hint?)
6. Have you ever been Christmas carolling?
No. I did ask once and got scurrilous looks. "You are Jewish," I was told. "You sing offkey" would have been more convincing and just as accurate.
7. What was your most memorable Christmas gift(s) that you received?
Last year, an eminient novelist sent me one of those reindeer that excrete jellybeans and told me it was called "Rude-Olf". The bold men of the Canberra Speculative Fiction Guild insisted on testing it until the jellybeans were all finished. They insisted this was in the nature of a scientific endeavour. I have already brought him out of hiding.
8. What's your favourite Christmas movie?
Any that don't get shown on Christmas Day. Christmas Day TV is dead boring.
9. Have you ever built a real snowman?
Yep. In Canada. So there.
10. Have you ever peeked into a present and found out what it was before Christmas?
No. I suspect if there were presents round I would be so tempted, but it has been a feat impossible to achieve to date.
11. What is on the top of your Christmas tree?
This is like the "Have you stopped beating your wife" question. Hard to answer without implying a tree.
12. Do you own a Santa hat?
Nup. No reindeer cap either. I am a sad, sad soul. All sob in synchrony.
13. When was the last time you had your picture taken with Santa Claus?
Never.
14. Have you started your Christmas shopping yet?
I bought some cheese today. Does that count?
15. Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree?
Another of those unanswerables.
16. Who is hardest person to buy for?
My mother. I suspect she might not entirely appreciate a Christmas present from me.
17. Who is the easiest person to buy for?
Me. Buying any sort of present for myself never meets the least bit of opposition.
18. How old were you when you realized Santa was imaginary?
I thought Santa was imaginary until I was about 19 when I discovered Ncholas of Bari. If you are all good children I will tell you the story of Nick and the pickled children on Christmas Day. I should have told it on 6 December, but I forgot.
19. What does your morning of Christmas routine consist of?
Routine? Um. Waking up and going to the letterbox for my mail then realising it is a public holiday. I think that is really the only thing I do every year. 25 December is such a surreal day.
20. Egg nog?
In midsummer? I had it in Canada. In the UK I had mulled wine.
21. What do you want for Christmas this year?
Fun and frolicking with friends and family.
PS I had a really good day before the asthma hit. So groan at the meme rather than condoling at the unbreathability of air in my vicinity.
PPS For the record, I love it when friends send me cards and give presents. I am very happy to share your festivals with you and have you share your festivals with me. Just as long as we are clear that Christmas is not something I would celebrate if my friends didn't and that I reserve the right to mock memes.
PPPS I don't suppose anyone non-Jewish wants to do an equivalent meme for Chanukah? I know Chanukah is minor in the scheme of festivals, but it would be fun to see the answers. In case, here are 8 questions (one for each day):
1. Do you make latkes?
2. Is your menorah kosher?
3. Do you know all the words to ma'ot tsur or do you cheat after the first two lines?
4. Do you know the dredel rules?
5. Have you ever overindulged in chocolate coins or doughnuts?
6. What is your favourite answer when people ask "Why don't you celebrate Christmas"?
7. If you are on holiday during Chanukah (eg camping) do you bother to take candles, or do you unpack and say "Damn, no menorah and no candles - sorry kids, maybe next year"?
8. Invent your own question - it is too hot for ideas at this end.
PPPPS If Australia were predominantly Jewish, what would TV consist of on 25 December? Serious answers discouraged.