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Celebrating friends
Oct. 14th, 2008 02:35 pmIt's already a happy Jewish festival (the time of mist and mellow fruitfulness, in fact, which always strikes me as an odd way to celebrate the Southern Spring) and I'm supposed to have done all my deep pondering and finished with it a week ago. And I'm happy. Happy and relieved. 5768 is over. Both good and ill. It didn't really dawn on me till today, though.
There were some great things last year: friends and Conflux and much, much learning. A book accepted for publication and an anthology I am co-editing. Someone foolish enough to actually commission a story from me. People who keep coming out of the woodwork and telling me what they love about my writing. Amazing students and lots of fun teaching.
It was a terribly difficult year, though. Friends who died. One particular friend who nearly died just the other day (why I couldn't count my blessings until now - life without her would be terribly diminished). Friends and relatives who have dealt bravely with the difficult and the impossible. Friends who disappeared at times of strife and just smile at me in passing (are you scared my problems will rub off, or don't you notice, or am I missing real problems at your end - in which case let me know - maybe I can help?).
I shall be very short of money for a while: a new stove, a new hot water service, peridontal work and other crises have done interesting things to my bank account. I still managed chocolates at Conflux - it's important to me that I could still give chocolates at Conflux (sometimes the small things are big, when life gets overwhelming).
The biggest thing this year is that I've found a small group of people who really care for me. Who will go out of their way to be there for me when things go so wrong that I can't do anything. I don't think I've ever had this before and it makes the biggest difference to my capacity to look this coming year in the face. For this year is going to be a wonderful year, and a challenging one. The best thing about it, though, is knowing I won't be going into it alone.
This is the moment I was supposed to take last week and say to everyone how much I appreciate not being alone in the universe. For each and every one of you who has emailed me or rung or held my hand or washed my dishes or made sure I was not bored or taken me shopping (or, in the case of my mother, driven all the way from Melbourne to make sure my new stove was installed without me having to return to hospital as a side effect) - without you, life would be a pretty sad thing.
It's not about the handholding and the triaging and the dishwashing and the rescues - it's because you saw me as myself and fallible and you cared. It's because you still care. It's about time I let you know in public, how much I love you all and how rich you make my life, even on perfectly ordinary days.
There were some great things last year: friends and Conflux and much, much learning. A book accepted for publication and an anthology I am co-editing. Someone foolish enough to actually commission a story from me. People who keep coming out of the woodwork and telling me what they love about my writing. Amazing students and lots of fun teaching.
It was a terribly difficult year, though. Friends who died. One particular friend who nearly died just the other day (why I couldn't count my blessings until now - life without her would be terribly diminished). Friends and relatives who have dealt bravely with the difficult and the impossible. Friends who disappeared at times of strife and just smile at me in passing (are you scared my problems will rub off, or don't you notice, or am I missing real problems at your end - in which case let me know - maybe I can help?).
I shall be very short of money for a while: a new stove, a new hot water service, peridontal work and other crises have done interesting things to my bank account. I still managed chocolates at Conflux - it's important to me that I could still give chocolates at Conflux (sometimes the small things are big, when life gets overwhelming).
The biggest thing this year is that I've found a small group of people who really care for me. Who will go out of their way to be there for me when things go so wrong that I can't do anything. I don't think I've ever had this before and it makes the biggest difference to my capacity to look this coming year in the face. For this year is going to be a wonderful year, and a challenging one. The best thing about it, though, is knowing I won't be going into it alone.
This is the moment I was supposed to take last week and say to everyone how much I appreciate not being alone in the universe. For each and every one of you who has emailed me or rung or held my hand or washed my dishes or made sure I was not bored or taken me shopping (or, in the case of my mother, driven all the way from Melbourne to make sure my new stove was installed without me having to return to hospital as a side effect) - without you, life would be a pretty sad thing.
It's not about the handholding and the triaging and the dishwashing and the rescues - it's because you saw me as myself and fallible and you cared. It's because you still care. It's about time I let you know in public, how much I love you all and how rich you make my life, even on perfectly ordinary days.