(no subject)

The computer basics are taking a long time this morning because my computer - in its infinite wisdom - has decided to log me out of almost everything. I've done my end of the BiblioBuffet work, though, and my column is ready to roll on time this weekend/Monday (depends on timezone). I'll give you the URL when it goes up.

People keep on asking me to do extra things. I offer something and they say "And this and this and this as well." I just said 'yes' to one such request, which asked me for about 20 hours more work, but I said it would be early February before I could finish it. This is voluntary and I want the thing done and am willing to put my share of effort into it. It's just that so many people want more than I initially offer with things. I'm assuming this is a general pattern in the community - that anything freely offered gets work added to make it a *real* gift. As you already know, though, it bugs me. The offering of something without tags and without conditions is a gift in itself and should not be questioned.

Anyhow, my response to this is that when friends say vaguely "I'll do such and such for you" I don't take them up on it unless they really press. I know that if they've been kind enough to offer me, then they've been kind enough to offer others and that quite a few of those others will have demanded extras as part of the gift. I do value my friends for their kindness in offering, but I don't want to be a burden.

By this you can see that four different people (mostly not well known to me) have managed to be burdens this week, while my friends have hardly asked me for anything at all. There is no logic in this at all. None.

Anyhow, oh kind and unburdensome friends, you still have 24 hours to choose your Chanukah gifts. Greed is not only permitted, it is encouraged - I shall let the black-sparkly-sorting-hat-of-many-moods do any reconciliation. Anyone who reads this may ask for something (but unless you ask for the blogged recipes, you might want to think about snail mail addresses ie are you willing to surrender them?). It doesn't matter if I've sent you something recently, you're still entitled to gifts - that's the nature of the gifts. I shall sort your presents tomorrow and pack them tomorrow and post them on Wednesday. I found some feminist (purple) dredels, which I know will please one of you in particular.

Oh yes, and my Chanukah decorations are up, all two of them. All the others have died the death of scungy age. A friend sent me a bundle from the US years ago and they have been a great pleasure ever since, but alas, I think this is the last of them and the last year they will appear. Next year's decorations will be home-made Sephardi paper cutting the whole way, I think, made by whoever I can armtwist into it. The kitchen stuff yasminke sent me has years of use in it, though, so we will make latkes using exactly the right kind of oven mitt to prevent stray burns and I shall feel festive every time I mess up my kitchen.

(no subject)

I meant to do the Next Big Thing today, but when I got my computer sorted a migraine hit. I've written 2000+ words of something, but that's all I've done. I've nearly lost my temper many times, but that's solely because things hurt and my small troubles get to me therefore.

The most annoying thing ought to be quite trivial. I agreed to do 20+ hours of listening to tapes for someone, to check quality before they turn them digital for other people. The tapes were taken by my father and include a lot of sad memories because of this. They're speech nights and choral festivals and other school occasions.

I was willing to do it, but lost any enthusiasm when the person at the other end told me I could take my time and it would be FUN. What use is taking my time when I need to get this place liveable? She knew I was getting rid of things, and she knew my father was dead and had recorded the tapes.

The word 'fun' does not come into it. Nor does the joy of listening to my school days. School was not kind to me for I was too bright, too Jewish and had eczema and asthma.

I don't mind the G&S (11/2 of the tapes) but I promised to go through all the others as well. I don't mind going through them and making notes as to sound quality before I donate them. In fact, I offered to. I just mind being told the timetabling of it and that it will be fun. If I do it, it will be at 3 am when the weather is too hot for sleep and my brain is too tired for work, for that is the time I have this summer. It will not be fun. School was not fun. School doesn't think I'm fun, either, for I have not been invited to a single class reunion in 44 years. They don't know what I'm doing or where I've been (which is pretty good, considering how much I get around - most other people I run into say "I hear you write" or "I saw you were giving a talk."*)

I have enough community spirit to be willing to hand the tapes over, annotated, as requested, but not enough to enjoy being told the way I should feel or to have it assumed that I have lots of free time and enough free space so that I can hang onto them for as long as it takes. As you know, the space situation here is dire. My target is to get rid of at least 2 bags of stuff a week until I fit in again. I've got rid of enough stuff already so that the handyman can do something about the impossibilities that are my bathroom and laundry, which is a start. I want to finish with the tapes so that I can deal with my store room, sort my papers and then move stuff from the flat to fill in the new gaps in the storeroom.**

The migraine and the temper losses this week are all due to the same thing. I am perimenopausal (still and forever) and this is a 9 day PMT. A very nasty 9 day PMT. I ought to tell the poor lady that I'm not like this normally. I suspect I won't, though. I want to say "If you think this is the sort of thing that might be fun, you do it. I'd rather get on with my next article and start planning a novel. I like writing novels more than I like listening to a past I never enjoyed."

It was unfortunate that she used 'fun' in relation to a time that was full of bigotry and exclusion and in a week where that's come up a lot. If she wishes me a happy Christmas I shall be polite and wish her a happy something. Possibly Chanukah. Possibly Chinese New Year. Probably holiday season. I'm not beyond redemption quite yet.




*My friends from school do not fit into either category. They are warm and supportive and know pretty much what I get up to. If one of them reads this and wants to hear the tapes all the way through and annotate them for sound quality, I will feel guilty (for I agreed) but I will relinquish them happily. I'm in a hurry to get rid of them, but CHESS isn't in a hurry to put them up.

** I still have a little wine in the store room. I wonder if any Canberra friends can be bribed to help? I suspect it's my job and I just need to get on with it.