More Words of Wisdom from Miss Montez

16.  If a lady you admire happens to make the acquaintance of some gentleman of superior attainments and position to yourself, make yourself as boorish to him as possible, whenever you meet him in her company, for this will be sure to increase-her admiration of you, and cause her to despise him. And then, the moment he leaves, you will be able to demolish him entirely by assailing his character-making him out a rascal, a roué and a libertine, of the very blackest dye; and fail not to believe that the blacker you paint him, the­ whiter you will look yourself. This course cannot fail to bring her to her senses, and convince her what a fool she has. made of herself by taking such a ruffian and scoundrel for a gentleman. And then she will admire you beyond description as the discoverer of his villainy, especially as she will clearly perceive the motives you had for the exercise of such an extraordinary sagacity. By this course you will open to her mind a vein of certain commendable traits of character possessed in an eminent degree by yourself, and to which she might otherwise have forever remained a stranger.

 

17.  If you have not learning, by all means pretend to have it, for this will give a lady, and all her friends, an opportunity of laughing at you, which will make you a most agreeable and amusing fellow in her estimation. But, if, on the other hand, you really possess some little learning, do not fail to show it off on all occasions. If a lady does not know a word of French, you will, of course, intersperse your conversation plentifully with words from that language. You may ask her if she has ever read "Les Egarements du Coeur?" She will stare at you to see if you are mad, and you will have the pleasure of relieving her alarm by telling her it is the name of a French book, the English of which is "The Wanderings of the Heart," and which you be­lieve has never been translated into our language. She will think you really a charming man for having relieved the distressing anxiety which you had created. Now you can not only talk in English on the delightful subject of hearts, but, having given her a taste of French, you can proceed to give her a useful and pleasing lesson in that language. You may tell her that yon learned it very easily, that the words are very simple, and you can prove yourself by informing her that the French word for fool is folle, and for ass, is âne, that the masculine article a, is un, and that d means and, that therefore un folle et un âne means a fool and an ass. If there is no one by to correct your bad French you will get credit for being a great scholar, while the lady will be profoundly impressed with the beauty and propriety of your first lesson in French, and she will be sure never to forget you as long as she remembers it.

 

18. It will be a masterly stroke of policy for you to pre­tend to be an atheist, and to scoff at every idea or reli­gion ; for, if you have no respect for your Maker, nor for anything that mankind holds sacred, it will satisfy any intelligent and reflecting lady that you will have all the more respect and love to bestow upon her.

 

19.  You ought to know that there are four things which always possess more or less of interest to a lady- a par­rot, a peacock, a monkey, and a man; and the nearer you can come to uniting all these about equally in your own character, the more will you be loved. This is also a cheap and excellent recipe for making a dandy­ a creature which is always an object of admiration and esteem to the ladies.

 

20.  As heels are of more importance to men than heads, you will of course, spend all of your earlier days in learn­ing to dance, and when you are perfected in the art, you cannot do better than spend the rest of your time in dancing. Fail not to convince a lady that your real existence is in the ball-room, and that during all the intervening time your godlike faculties are simply taking their natural sleep. You must not dance as a mere pastime and as an occasional amusement, but you must devote yourself to it as a business and a religion

            For which you wish to live or dare to die.

 

Dance with all the might of your body, and all the fire of your soul, in order that you may shake all melancholy out of your liver; and you need not res­train yourself with the apprehension that any lady will have the least fear that the violence of your movements will ever shake anything out of your brains.

(no subject)

Quick question. Has everyone had enough Montez? Or are you craving more? She has another thirty recommendations after this and I am happy to post more (still in blocks of five) but only if you're enjoying them.